Dee Ubuntu Lemayian, London, UK

Conscious integration is a luxury I rarely give enough space to. And I deliberately say give myself as opposed to have time for, because the Unbecoming Retreat process reminded me that I am in the driving seat of my life.

Before leaving for the retreat, I made a promise to myself to explore what unbecoming meant to me and the things I wanted to let go of.

Unbecoming means exploring the shadow, the parts of myself holding me back from my greatness. The things I avoid giving time to and, most importantly at this point in my life, my fear of myself. Unbecoming individuality to be all of me.

Through connection with the land, the people, and the simplicity of life around me, I could see how I had silently been sabotaging myself. In that moment, I allowed myself to fall apart. I cried shamelessly all day. My tears burst through without notice and far beyond my control, so I let them flow and grow. And they did. They flowed and grew and grew. I cried through breakfast, lunch, dinner, and right through the night. Held by you, Akua, and by the sisterhood that was silently forming around me, from the children to the mammas and the new friends.

I was unbecoming, but I was not alone.