How Are You?

Just a week ago, I had this quiet sense that someone close to me wasn’t okay. Nothing was said, but I could feel it.

It started with something I couldn’t quite explain. A gut feeling. That inner voice, my intuition. Over the years, I’ve learned to lean into it. Trusting that instinct has become one of the most important parts of my own journey, my journey of unbecoming. It’s also something I hold space for in my coaching work…helping women tune in, connect, and trust that inner voice, even when logic says otherwise.

Last week, that sense was strong. That hard-to-describe feeling that probably shows up differently for all of us. But for me, it came through clearly. A deep knowing that someone I care deeply for wasn’t doing okay.

Trusting the Feeling

So I sent a message. Just a simple WhatsApp. A little check-in. Because that’s how we often reach out nowadays, especially across time zones.

But the feeling didn’t pass. So the next day, I called. And they weren’t okay.

We talked for a while. They told me they’d seen the message but didn’t reply because they didn’t want to burden me. They were worried that if they started sharing, they wouldn’t be able to stop. And I get it. Sometimes we hold things so tightly, afraid that if we let them out, the floodgates will open.

In that moment, all I wanted was for them to know: you’re not too much. You’re allowed to feel all of it. You’re allowed to say, “I’m not okay.” More than anything, I wanted them to feel loved. To know that I care, and that they’re not alone. That whenever they need to reach out, I’m here. Truly here.

That moment reminded me how often we treat “How are you?” like a greeting. But it’s not small talk. It’s a real question. And we need to be ready for a real answer. Because it’s not just about asking. It’s about being present. Are we actually listening? Are we creating room for honesty? These are the moments where real connection lives. Not in the idea of caring, but in the act of showing up.

What does it mean to show up?

It’s not just about the person doing the asking. It matters how safe someone feels to answer honestly. That kind of openness takes trust. It takes courage. We live in a fast world. A noisy world. And in the rush, it’s easy to miss what someone is holding. But those moments, the hunches and quiet gut feelings, they matter.

Only a few weeks ago, someone I knew—someone I was really fond of—passed away here in the UAE. She was young. We’d spoken, shared energy, exchanged messages. We were even planning to meet up when I got back from the UK. I told her I had a lot on and needed to wrap a few things before leaving, but that we’d catch up when I returned. That never happened.

What’s stayed with me is that it was three weeks before anyone found her. She lived alone. And no one knew. I don’t know what she was going through. I don’t know what her mental or emotional state was like in those final days. I don’t want to make assumptions. But I do know how easy it is for someone to go unnoticed, especially when they seem like they’re doing fine on the surface.

I’ve felt guilt. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t. That last message played over in my mind. I kept thinking, maybe I could’ve made more time. Maybe I should’ve followed up sooner.

But I’ve also had to remind myself, and keep reminding myself, that guilt is a natural response. It shows we care. But it’s not something we need to carry.

And I know I’m not alone in this. She had people around her. Friends, loved ones, a community. I’m sure others are sitting with their own questions too, wondering what they missed or what more they could’ve done.

But this isn’t about blame. It’s not about holding onto guilt. It’s about staying aware. Staying connected. And choosing to notice more, even when life feels busy.

What If We Spoke Up?

Because the truth is, you don’t have to be living alone to feel alone. You might be in a house full of people and still feel invisible. Maybe the kids have grown and the house is quieter than you're used to. Maybe you’re always the one holding things together, and no one thinks to ask how you are. Maybe people assume you're fine because that’s how you’ve always shown up.

And again, no one is to blame. But it does mean we sometimes need to speak up. To say, "Hey, I need you." Whether that’s to a partner, a friend, a grown child, or someone else close to you. It’s not weakness. It’s just being human.

We want people to notice, but not everyone will. Not because they don’t care, but because they’re moving through their own lives too. So we find ways to meet each other halfway.

Maybe this is where we pause for a moment. To remember that we all want to feel seen. That checking in is more than just being thoughtful. It’s necessary. And the people around us, even the ones who seem okay, might be carrying more than we think.

So check in. Don’t wait. And if someone comes to mind while you're reading this, trust that feeling. Send the message. Make the call.

And if you’re the one holding it in, hoping someone will notice? Maybe this is your moment to speak up. You don’t have to wait for everything to fall apart before asking for support. You don’t have to carry it all in silence. You don’t need to explain it perfectly.

You can just say, "I’m not okay." And that’s enough.

Sometimes we have to be the one to start the conversation. Whether that’s with a friend, a partner, a sibling, or your grown-up kids who are in and out, juggling their own worlds. This is how we stay connected.

So if there’s anything I hope this reminds you of, it’s this: you’re allowed to ask. You’re allowed to need people. And you’re allowed to be needed too.

That’s what being human is.

Let’s not just say we care. Let’s show it. And maybe the first check-in is with ourselves.

Checking In

With Yourself…

So how are you, really?

Some days, something just feels off. It might be obvious. Or maybe it’s just a quiet sense that something isn’t sitting right. If that’s where you are, here’s a gentle place to begin.

Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?”, Not “What needs to get done?” or “Who needs me today?” Just check in with yourself, as you are, in this moment.

Notice what your body is telling you. Is your sleep disrupted? Are your shoulders tight, your body heavy, or your energy feeling low? Maybe it’s all three. Maybe you’re eating more, or barely at all. Maybe small things are setting you off. These are cues. You don’t have to ignore them.

Try to name what’s going on. It might sound like:

“I feel lost.” “I feel sad”, I feel lonely.”
“I feel drained, exhausted and I don’t know what to do.”

You don’t need to have a fix. Naming it honestly is already a step forward.

Pause and breathe. Take five minutes to sit with yourself. No phone, no to do list, just a few quiet breaths. That small moment of stillness can help you come back to yourself even if it’s just for a minute.

Let it move through you in your own way. You could write. You could cry. You could speak into a voice note. Whatever gives your feelings a place to go.

Reach out to someone you trust. You don’t have to explain everything. A simple “I’ve had a rough day” can help you feel less alone.

Choose one small thing to support yourself. Step outside. Cancel something that feels heavy. Take a nap. You don’t need to do it all. Just one thing that feels kind.

Ask for help if you need it. That could be a friend, a coach, a therapist, or someone who simply listens. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself.

This is part of being human. There are days when you need rest, time, space, and care. You’re not alone in that. And you don’t have to push through it in silence, and unseen.

With Others…

We don’t always know what others are holding. And people are often good at hiding it. So when someone crosses your mind, consider reaching out.

Move beyond the usual “How are you?” Try something that feels a little more open: “You’ve been on my mind. How’s your heart doing?” Or “You seemed a little quieter lately. Just checking in.”

You don’t need a reply right away. Sometimes just knowing someone cares makes a difference, even if the words don’t come right back.

You don’t have to fix anything. Just be present. Let the space be whatever it needs to be. Quiet, messy, uncertain. What matters is that you're there.

Check in again, gently. If they didn’t reply the first time, try once more. A short “Still thinking of you. No pressure, just here when you’re ready” can really matter.

Keep your tone soft. A simple “Hey, just wanted to say I’m here” can land deeper than a long message. It’s not about saying the perfect thing. It’s about showing up in a real way.

And if any of this feels close to home…

You don’t have to carry it all alone. And you don’t have to explain everything to be welcomed in.

If something here resonates with you, I’d love to tell you more.

Our retreats are full of what you might need right now. Space to laugh. Space to cry. To shout. To be quiet. To feel whatever you’re feeling, fully and without pressure. It's a chance to connect with yourself, with other amazing women, and with the local community in a meaningful way.

There’s room for rest, reflection, deep conversation, and joy. There’s also time to slow down, to explore, to breathe again.

If that sounds like something your heart could use, the waitlist for our 2026 retreats is now open.

These are small, intimate experiences, by application only, so we can make sure the energy is right and the space feels safe and real for everyone who joins.

You can add your name to the list, and when the time is right, we’ll be ready to welcome you in.

Follow along as I share more of my journey on Instagram: @journeywithakua