Madagascar

Conscious integration is a luxury I rarely give enough space to. And I deliberately say give myself, as opposed to have time for, because The Unbecoming Retreat process reminded me that I am in the driving seat of my life.

Before leaving for the retreat, I made a promise to myself to explore what unbecoming meant to me and the things I wanted to let go of.

Unbecoming means exploring the shadow—the parts of myself holding me back from my greatness. The things I avoid giving time to and, most importantly at this point in my life, my fear of myself. Unbecoming individuality to be all of me.

Through connection with the land, the people and the simplicity of life around me, I could see how I had silently been sabotaging myself. In that moment, I allowed myself to fall apart. I cried shamelessly all day. My tears burst through without notice and far beyond my control, so I let them flow and grow. And they did. They flowed and grew and grew. I cried through breakfast, lunch, dinner and right through the night. Held by you, Akua, and by the sisterhood that was silently forming around me, from the children to the mammas and the new friends.

I was unbecoming, but I was not alone.

I loved the immersion into the community. The people we met had such beautiful spirits. Since returning, I feel more able to be still and pay attention to my surroundings. I take more time for myself, and I carry far less guilt about it.

I am still basking in a high from the experience. It was refreshing. I felt a deep connection with the women. I am normally a solo traveller and have always enjoyed moving through the world that way, but the women on this retreat were all such a good fit. I felt genuinely connected and was positively impacted by our time together.

I feel privileged to have been part of this perfectly curated experience. Everything was so well planned and considered, and I cannot think of a single thing I would have wished to be different.

I look forward to the opportunity to experience another journey with Akua.

I have done many retreats, and I thought that through my travelling and my journey—spiritually, emotionally and mentally—I had cleared a lot of my old stuff. This retreat helped me understand, after a long time of not being involved in a retreat, that the age I am now is actually a good time to explore other levels of myself as a mature student and that there are no barriers.

As we grow closer to immortality, for me, being submerged into so many of the things we did created a new childlike understanding of life. After all, we are still children on this path, growing, evolving and learning new things every day. I felt that you’re never too old to learn.

While building on and speaking from my heart, I recognised myself as the older person I am, but also remembered the times when I didn’t fear things the way you do as you age. In my mind I’m young, and being around a group of beautiful women who ‘got me’ helped me believe more in my own self-worth and in my courage to challenge new avenues of my cultural identity and agelessness while being held in a safe and supportive space.

Amazing Akua. I have been touched, moved and enriched by this experience in infinite ways, and I wanted to take a moment to celebrate and recognise the foundational role you’ve played in that. Akua, take a bow. You reach the parts no others can.

I think not only of my personal gains and enjoyment when I say this, but also the many opportunities your work has created for your partners and the communities involved in this epic adventure. It was great to be part of an experience that celebrates, champions and fosters partnership, mutual benefit, womanhood and respect—all too rare.

Thank you for the time and opportunities you provided for me and everyone else to connect with Zanzi, its people, its culture, its nature, ourselves and each other.